I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize