omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
