Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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