Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
