So drunk its hurt
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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