Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
