jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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