Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize