I'm eating all of the evidence.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize