It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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