he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
