this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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