Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize