she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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