Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
