Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
