it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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