I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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