So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
