when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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