I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
