How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
