..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
