i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
