i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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