i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want to make out with him forever
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
