I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
