new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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