she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
