ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
