I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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