Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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