good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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