i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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