You can't motorboat a personality
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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