I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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