I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
