well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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