i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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