the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
