Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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