dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
