I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
