i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
