i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
