dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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