He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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