where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
