He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
