Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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