end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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