It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
