Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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