This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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