did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize