pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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