k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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