I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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