i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
