so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
