you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
