Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
