We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
