If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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