We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
