did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
