Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
