i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
