You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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