She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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