all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
