That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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